I just wanted to share this news story with you. I've always found hypocrisy among religious people particularily amusing, and setting the serious tone of the article aside, this story is quite hilarious.
Granted, it's not quite as funny as Ted Haggard's scandal - a leading Evangelical preacher found having sex with homosexual prostitutes while using methamphetamines - but it's still a good story to take a look at.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Chriscientudaislamormofarianism...
After talking with some friends, I received quite a bit of criticism regarding my last entry, apparently it was regarded as a cheap, comedic shot - not having to do with religion or atheism. Scientology, in most people's minds, does not qualify as a "religion." It's perceived as nothing more than a common joke, and treated without the respect that most faiths are given.
Why?
Scientology may be new, but to be completely honest - it's no more "crazy" than any of the more common religions practiced today. When broken down, all religions have crazy bits - bits that even followers of these faiths will admit is nuts. People who hold onto a moderate amount of their faith for comfort will say, for example, "Yes, I believe most of what the Bible has to say, but I'm not a creationist."
Why make the distinction? Why separate that which some people consider believable from that which they know not to be true? How can people who openly admit that they don't even buy into half the stuff their religion purports claim that the words of another religion can be outright false, even insane?
What I'm trying to say is that Scientology, whether you follow it or not, is just another religion. It's no more, and no less crazy than any of the major monotheistic faiths - nor any more or less crazy than ancient polytheistic religions.
"Scientology? Yeah, that's some crazy shit... Jesus, the ark and the dove, the snake who talked in the garden - that's cool." - Bill Maher
Why?
Scientology may be new, but to be completely honest - it's no more "crazy" than any of the more common religions practiced today. When broken down, all religions have crazy bits - bits that even followers of these faiths will admit is nuts. People who hold onto a moderate amount of their faith for comfort will say, for example, "Yes, I believe most of what the Bible has to say, but I'm not a creationist."
Why make the distinction? Why separate that which some people consider believable from that which they know not to be true? How can people who openly admit that they don't even buy into half the stuff their religion purports claim that the words of another religion can be outright false, even insane?
What I'm trying to say is that Scientology, whether you follow it or not, is just another religion. It's no more, and no less crazy than any of the major monotheistic faiths - nor any more or less crazy than ancient polytheistic religions.
"Scientology? Yeah, that's some crazy shit... Jesus, the ark and the dove, the snake who talked in the garden - that's cool." - Bill Maher
Monday, November 16, 2009
Red Rover, Red Rover, we call Lord Xenu over!
Now we've all heard about Scientology, about all the crazy mumbo-jumbo, about Mr. Tom Cruise. I'd like to set the record straight - there is nothing crazy about Scientology. I'll put a few facts out there, and let you see for yourself. After joining the Church of Scientology, one is encouraged to take several very expensive "upgrade" courses. Each upgrade comes with a new title, or rank, within the church. After many of these expensive courses, the rank "Clear" is given. A Clear is, as defined by the Church of Scientology;
"A Clear is a being who no longer has his own reactive mind, and therefore suffers none of the ill effects the reactive mind can cause. The Clear has no engrams which, when restimulated, throw out the correctness of his computations by entering hidden and false data."
Higher ranks come with access to more information about the church. After becoming a Clear, the story of Lord Xenu is revealed.
Approximately 75 million years ago, Earth was part of a large group of planets - 76 planets and 26 stars to be precise. At that time, Earth wasn't even called Earth. The planet we live on today was called Teegeeack. The planets were overpopulated, with an average population of 178 billion (that's Billion with a B). This was the Galactic Confederacy, and their civilization was (aside from space travel and communication) very similar to our own, circa 1950-1960. The citizens of the Confederacy used planes, trains, and automobiles to get around just like we do - and wore clothing similar to the clothing of that decade.
Xenu was about to be removed from power, so he enlisted the help of psychiatrists and summoned billions of his citizens together under the pretense of income tax inspections. The people were then paralyzed using a mixture of alcohol and glycol, this would freeze their bodies and capture their souls. Xenu loaded the frozen people onto several Space Planes, and took them to the extermination site - the planet of Teegeeack. The Space Planes looked exactly like today's DC-8 aircrafts, with the exception that the DC-8 has jet engines, whereas the transports used by the Confederacy did not.
When they arrived on Teegeeack, the paralyzed citizens were then placed around volcanoes - specifically Loa, Vesuvius, Shasta, Washington, Fujiyama, and Etna, although "many many other" volcanoes were used. Xenu would then drop Hydrogen bombs into the craters of the volcanoes, causing them to erupt - killing billions of frozen citizens. Lord Xenu wasn't finished there, however. Using an "electronic ribbon" suspended over the planet in space, Xenu captured the disembodied souls (called "Thetans") of the dead. This space ribbon would "suck" all of the souls into various "vacuum zones" around the world.
These thetans were then... taken to the movies. Yes, Lord Xenu killed billions and then forced them into a giant cinema, where they watched a 36 day (864 hour) movie. This movie would contain all of the myths which Xenu wanted Teegeeacks future society to be built on. It had to do with God, the Devil, and specifically crucifixion. This 864 hour presentation was designed by Xenu to deprive the thetans of their personal identities - to leave them lost, forever wandering the planet. Attracted to living things, the thetans would surround people, slowly leeching their spiritual energy and personal identity - causing depression and unhappiness.
Xenu would later be captured by a Galactic Confederacy government agency called the Loyal Officers, and locked into "an electric mountain trap" from which he has yet to escape. This prison is said to be located within the Pyrenees mountain range in western France. Teegeeack was then abandoned by the Galactic Federation, and kept only as a pariah "prison planet."
To rid yourself of the thetans which are undoubtedly cluttering your mind, contact the Church of Scientology immediately. Records show that to reach the rank of "Clear" it should only cost approximately US$106,500.
See? Nothing crazy about it.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Mr Moses
Among the most ubiquitous figures in Islamic, Jewish, and Judeo-Christian monotheistic religions is Moses. His role in all of the afforementioned faiths is that of the lawgiver - a medium between god and mankind. In Judaism, he is considered the greatest of all prophets, the true servant of god and the father of all prophets to come. He is also credited with writing the Torah. In Christianity, he is among the most important figures in the bible, referenced more in the New Testament than any other Old Testament figure - and his "Ten Commandments" (while not exclusively Christian subject matter) are of undeniable importance. In the Qu'ran, Moses is mentioned more than any other person, (yes, including Muhammad) he is a lawgiver and a leader of his people. He is also an important prophet in several "new religions," including the Bahá'í faith, and Rastafari.
Purportedly born around 1391 BCE, Moses' birth came at a time in which the Hebrew people were slaves in Egypt, and increasing in number. The Pharao at the time was concerned that if their numbers increased any further, they may help Egypt's enemies - or become one themselves. He ordered all newborn Hebrew boys to be killed, Moses' mother hid him inside a reed basket when the soldiers came, and sent him downstream. He was later found by a royal midwife and adopted into the Egyptian royal family.
Wait, what? Stop.
In 2300 BC, a High Priestess in Azupiranu on the Euphrates river gave birth, secretly, to a child. The child's name would be Sargon. In order to avoid infanticide (High Priestess + Baby = Shit + Fan) she put the boy into a reed basket and sent him downstream. He was later found by a royal midwife and adopted into her family. Sargon would later become a gardener, a royal cupbearer, and then leader of his people, and a great king - Sargon of Akkad.
Ok, let's continue.
Moses would have to flee his life in the royal family after killing an Egyptian slave master. He would later return and unleash ten plagues onto the Egyptian people in order to convince them to "Let his people go." First, the Nile river would flow with blood, the fish would die, and the Egyptians would not be able to drink from it. Second, "the Nile will teem with frogs," cursing Egypt to an invasion by amphibians. The third and fourth plagues involve lice and biting insects (Yeah, gross.) The fifth and sixth plagues involve boils, sores, and disease - first upon the livestock, and then on the people themselves. The seventh plague is a storm, in which hot ash and fire rained down on the egyptians. The eighth plague had locusts come and swarm all of the egyptian crops. The ninth plague had the sky darkened for three days, and the tenth and final plague had the firstborn of every egyptian family killed.
While efforts continue to this day to discover what happened during these ten plagues (as there are loose references to them in Egyptian history as well, though these references lack any mention to Hebrew people or Moses) theories differ. It has been postulated that the Egyptian account of the plagues is in fact a reference to the Midean eruption of the volcano Santorini. This volcano was recorded to have erupted in approximately 1623 BCE, and ash from said eruption can still be found in the banks of the Nile. The red ash would have made the water blood red, unsafe for drinking or fish, and this would have acted as a catalyst for the plagues which followed. (Frogs leave water and die, bugs go without predators and increase in numbers, disease is spread by all of the insects, ash from the volcanic eruption falls down on the people, locusts fly from areas destroyed by the volcanic eruption and feed on the crops, the sky would be darkened by clouds of volcanic ash... kids... die?) This theory, while interesting, is largely based on scepulation and has been heavily criticized by both the scientific and the religious community. (The theory was put forward in a 2006 documentary by Simcha Jacobovici called The Exodus Decoded, as well as a book by geologist Barbara J. Sivertsen called The Parting of the Sea: How Volcanoes, Earthquakes, and Plagues Shaped the Exodus Story.)
Following these plagues, Moses led his people out of Egypt. After a dramatic chase scene involving Charlton Heston parting the Red Sea so that the Israelites could escape, they made a home at the base of Mount Sinai. Moses climbed the mountain to speak to god, and returned to his people with god's words - laws for them to follow. (An interesting parallel to this part of the story is Minos, King of Crete, son of Zeus. He would cimb a mountain and speak to Zeus, who would give him laws to bring back to the people.) Moses would then lead the people through the desert towards the promised land of Israel, although he would die at the age of 120 in approximately 1271 BCE before making it to their destination. (Come on, god... You couldn't have given him a few more weeks? Dick.)
Now, friends, for the reason for this long-winded (and parentheses filled) post. I've been reading a lot about a man named Ze'ev Herzog, director of the Institute of Archaeology at the Tel Aviv University. If you're at all interested in archaeology or history, particularily Israeli biblical history, this man is most definately the "King of the Castle." His works include Beer-Sheba II: The Early Iron Age Settlements, Excavations at Tel Michal, Israel, Archaeology of the City: Urban Planning in Ancient Israel and Social Implications, The Arad Fortresses, and Redefining the Centre: The Emergence of State in Judah. He's quite an interesting person, and most of his publications are available on the internet, translated into english. However, one of his articles really stood out; In Ha'aretz Magazine, on Friday October 29th, 1999, Herzog had the following to say about the Exodus from Egypt.
"This is what archaeologists have learned from their excavations in the Land of Israel: the Israelites were never in Egypt, did not wander in the desert, did not conquer the land in a military campaign and did not pass it on to the 12 tribes of Israel. Perhaps even harder to swallow is that the united monarchy of David and Solomon, which is described by the Bible as a regional power, was at most a small tribal kingdom. And it will come as an unpleasant shock to many that the God of Israel, YHWH, had a female consort and that the early Israelite religion adopted monotheism only in the waning period of the monarchy and not at Mount Sinai."
tinyurl.com/ykd4wom - for more of his statements in this article.
So, friends, again I implore you. Educate yourselves. If you've read what I've written and accepted it as either truth or blasphemy, you're only hurting yourself. If any of the things I've mentioned interest you, look them up.
Purportedly born around 1391 BCE, Moses' birth came at a time in which the Hebrew people were slaves in Egypt, and increasing in number. The Pharao at the time was concerned that if their numbers increased any further, they may help Egypt's enemies - or become one themselves. He ordered all newborn Hebrew boys to be killed, Moses' mother hid him inside a reed basket when the soldiers came, and sent him downstream. He was later found by a royal midwife and adopted into the Egyptian royal family.
Wait, what? Stop.
In 2300 BC, a High Priestess in Azupiranu on the Euphrates river gave birth, secretly, to a child. The child's name would be Sargon. In order to avoid infanticide (High Priestess + Baby = Shit + Fan) she put the boy into a reed basket and sent him downstream. He was later found by a royal midwife and adopted into her family. Sargon would later become a gardener, a royal cupbearer, and then leader of his people, and a great king - Sargon of Akkad.
Ok, let's continue.
Moses would have to flee his life in the royal family after killing an Egyptian slave master. He would later return and unleash ten plagues onto the Egyptian people in order to convince them to "Let his people go." First, the Nile river would flow with blood, the fish would die, and the Egyptians would not be able to drink from it. Second, "the Nile will teem with frogs," cursing Egypt to an invasion by amphibians. The third and fourth plagues involve lice and biting insects (Yeah, gross.) The fifth and sixth plagues involve boils, sores, and disease - first upon the livestock, and then on the people themselves. The seventh plague is a storm, in which hot ash and fire rained down on the egyptians. The eighth plague had locusts come and swarm all of the egyptian crops. The ninth plague had the sky darkened for three days, and the tenth and final plague had the firstborn of every egyptian family killed.
While efforts continue to this day to discover what happened during these ten plagues (as there are loose references to them in Egyptian history as well, though these references lack any mention to Hebrew people or Moses) theories differ. It has been postulated that the Egyptian account of the plagues is in fact a reference to the Midean eruption of the volcano Santorini. This volcano was recorded to have erupted in approximately 1623 BCE, and ash from said eruption can still be found in the banks of the Nile. The red ash would have made the water blood red, unsafe for drinking or fish, and this would have acted as a catalyst for the plagues which followed. (Frogs leave water and die, bugs go without predators and increase in numbers, disease is spread by all of the insects, ash from the volcanic eruption falls down on the people, locusts fly from areas destroyed by the volcanic eruption and feed on the crops, the sky would be darkened by clouds of volcanic ash... kids... die?) This theory, while interesting, is largely based on scepulation and has been heavily criticized by both the scientific and the religious community. (The theory was put forward in a 2006 documentary by Simcha Jacobovici called The Exodus Decoded, as well as a book by geologist Barbara J. Sivertsen called The Parting of the Sea: How Volcanoes, Earthquakes, and Plagues Shaped the Exodus Story.)
Following these plagues, Moses led his people out of Egypt. After a dramatic chase scene involving Charlton Heston parting the Red Sea so that the Israelites could escape, they made a home at the base of Mount Sinai. Moses climbed the mountain to speak to god, and returned to his people with god's words - laws for them to follow. (An interesting parallel to this part of the story is Minos, King of Crete, son of Zeus. He would cimb a mountain and speak to Zeus, who would give him laws to bring back to the people.) Moses would then lead the people through the desert towards the promised land of Israel, although he would die at the age of 120 in approximately 1271 BCE before making it to their destination. (Come on, god... You couldn't have given him a few more weeks? Dick.)
Now, friends, for the reason for this long-winded (and parentheses filled) post. I've been reading a lot about a man named Ze'ev Herzog, director of the Institute of Archaeology at the Tel Aviv University. If you're at all interested in archaeology or history, particularily Israeli biblical history, this man is most definately the "King of the Castle." His works include Beer-Sheba II: The Early Iron Age Settlements, Excavations at Tel Michal, Israel, Archaeology of the City: Urban Planning in Ancient Israel and Social Implications, The Arad Fortresses, and Redefining the Centre: The Emergence of State in Judah. He's quite an interesting person, and most of his publications are available on the internet, translated into english. However, one of his articles really stood out; In Ha'aretz Magazine, on Friday October 29th, 1999, Herzog had the following to say about the Exodus from Egypt.
"This is what archaeologists have learned from their excavations in the Land of Israel: the Israelites were never in Egypt, did not wander in the desert, did not conquer the land in a military campaign and did not pass it on to the 12 tribes of Israel. Perhaps even harder to swallow is that the united monarchy of David and Solomon, which is described by the Bible as a regional power, was at most a small tribal kingdom. And it will come as an unpleasant shock to many that the God of Israel, YHWH, had a female consort and that the early Israelite religion adopted monotheism only in the waning period of the monarchy and not at Mount Sinai."
tinyurl.com/ykd4wom - for more of his statements in this article.
So, friends, again I implore you. Educate yourselves. If you've read what I've written and accepted it as either truth or blasphemy, you're only hurting yourself. If any of the things I've mentioned interest you, look them up.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Christmas, or is it Wayeb?
It's only the beginning of November, and walking through stores and malls we can already see shops getting ready for Christmas. As we get closer and closer to the date, the streets will be lined with lights, and people will be swarming said shops looking for decorations and gifts. Over the centuries, Christians have come to "own" the date. Every religion likes to believe that it's "right" about it's beliefs regarding any subject, and the Winter Solstice is no different. Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, but that's really not what it's about.
In fact, there are over 30 different celebrations about to take place, all over the world. Most of them, needless to say, are no longer celebrated. They're ancient history, but the reasons for their acknowledgement are the same as those still in practice today. They all revolve around the Winter Solstice... yet only one of them involves Jesus.
Alphatbetically... Amaterasu celebration, in Japan. The Beiwe Festival, in Finland, Sweden, and Norway. Brumalia, celebrated in ancient Rome. Choimus or Chaomos, in Pakistan. Deuorius Riuri, in ancient Gaul. Deygan, or Maidyarem, in ancient Persia (Zoroastrian.) The Dongzhi Festival, in East Asia (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and Vietnamese Buddhism.) Goru, in ancient Mali. Hogmanay, in Scotland. Inti Raymi, in the ancient Incan civilizations (Peru, Bolivia, and Ecuador.) Junkanoo, in the Bahamas. Karachun, in ancient western Slavic civilizations. Koleda, an ancient eastern Slavic tradition. Lanaea, in ancient Greece. Lucia, a feast in ancient Scandanavia, later appropriated by the Catholic Church and renamed to the Feast of St. Lucy (those sly dogs.) Makara Sankranti, in India and Nepal. Maruaroa o Takura, by the New Zealand Maori. Mean Geimhridh, by the ancient Celtic people. (This includes Montol, Wren day, and Alban Arthan, holidays celebrated on the same days all around what is now the UK.) Midvinterblot, a holiday belonging to an old Swedish Folk religion. Midwinter, a modern celebration for people working in Antarctica. Modranicht, and the Perchta ritual, two ancient Germanic celebrations. Rozhanitsa Feast, in Russa. Shab-e Chelleh, a four thousand year old Persian celebration. Sanghamitta Day, a Buddhist holiday. Saturnalia, in ancient Greece. Seva Zistane, a Kurdish holiday. The Sol Invictus Festival, a 3rd centuray Roman Holiday. Soyal, a holiday for the natives of North America (the Zuni and Hopi.) Wayeb, celebrated by the Mayans. We Tripantu, in southern Chile. Yule (Jul, Jol, Joul, Joulu, Joulud, Geol, Geul) Pagan celebrations. Zagmuk, an ancient Mesopotamian celebration. Ziemassvetki, an ancient Latvian celebration.
Oh, and Christmas. There were so many to make note of that I nearly forgot it. One has to consider, with so many holidays being celebrated at the exact same time, what's so special about it? Why December 22nd to the 25th? If this holiday is so widely accepted as the birth of Jesus Christ, why was it being celebrated two thousand years before he was even supposed to have been born? Does it not seem at least a little strange that a day celebrating the birth of a deity is shared by so many different holidays, several of which celebrate the births of various other deities?
If there's one thing that could be considered common knowledge about ancient cultures, it's their obsession with astrology. Many of these civilizations used the stars for everything from naming their children to navigation to predicting seasonal changes. The Winter Solstice, and all celebrations associated with it fit into the latter of those three examples. Observing the stars and where the sun would rise and set each day would allow them to predict just how far along they were into a season. The reason the Winter Solstice was cause for celebration is that it signalled the beginning of the end of winter. From that date on, the days would get longer, the nights would be shorter, and spring seemed right around the corner. These ancient peoples celebrated the time by telling stories and creating metaphorical deities, and Jesus Christ is just another one of those metaphors, another character in a four thousand year old group of fairy tales.
Rather than explain exactly what occurs in the sky during the Winter Solstice, or what took place during all of those celebrations, I'll encourage you to read up on it. Take a few minutes to look into it, and educate yourself.
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